Monday, February 10, 2020

Retirement: Fun or Frenzy


We had some couples over for dinner a few nights ago, and the discussion among us women was how to live with our husbands 24/7 after retirement.  Therefore, this post is written from a woman's perspective and is not intended to offend the men folk who may read this.

Dick and I both retired together in May 2011.  I came from an administrative position that required a lot of deadlines, decisions, and dealing with people.  Dick was a full-time minister with a leader's heart for people and a need for service.

Thankfully, Dick also had a second career in real estate that he had been cultivating for a number of years and simply shifted offices and full-time job.  This fulfills his need to be with people and to serve.

That has given me the alone time that I must have to remain sane and is probably the secret to keeping us civil with each other.

What about you?

What adjustments have you had to make after you and/or your husband retired?

I've heard some say that having separate living quarters in the same house has been the solution.

Others choose to simply ignore each other for half the day, then reunite for dinner.

There are a few who confessed that they are so miserable, they find any excuse to be out of the home and away from their spouse.

Some are having to care for an ailing spouse and their time is no longer their own.  How do they keep from losing themselves while being an around the clock caregiver?

On the other hand there are those couples whose lives are completely wrapped up in each other and can't imagine not sharing every waking and sleeping hour in each other's company.

But!

What about when the husband decides that the way you have run the house isn't right anymore and wants to reorganize the kitchen, or thinks the floors need to be done in a different manner, or that you waste too much time on frivolous things.

Are you suddenly expected to have three meals on the table?

What about the husband who thinks you should be as interested as he is in all his history channel or automotive repair, or stock market shows, yet refuses to watch a Hallmark movie with you?

After being in the workforce for years, you crave quiet and are unable to tolerate the way your husband talks all the time?  Or wants to be with you all the time?  Or constantly calls and checks on you when you leave the house?  Or maybe he plays golf or fishes all day every day rather than spending time with you?

Getting along with someone else is always a challenge, but when two people who are suddenly forced to share a certain limited square footage together happily, it can get to be a REAL challenge.

How do we reconcile these day-in day-out differences?

In our case, Dick enjoys grocery shopping - I don't - so that's his major role.  He has definite ideas about what he likes to eat - it's not that important to me - so he often does the meal planning.

I do the laundry and he helps put up the clothes and make the bed.

We share the outside work because we both enjoy it.

We both look forward to our time together in the evening.

We have discovered that a lot of patience is required.  We have also discovered that we must still consider and appreciate the differences in our personalities and make concessions.  It also takes a lot of honesty and being open with each other about issues that arise and conflicts that inevitably occur.

Even after 54 years of marriage, we are still realizing subtle things about each other.  It takes humor, and forgiveness to keep on keeping on.

In the meantime, we are more in love with each other than we have ever been and grateful to be sharing this stage of our lives together.

What about you?  What are your particular challenges in living together in retirement and how are you handling them?


Elizabeth "Libby" Day
Elizabeth "Libby" Day

Hello, My name is Libby. I enjoy reading good books, painting, blogging, spending time with friends and whatever my "Heart" leads me to do. Welcome to Beauty Without Within.

5 comments:

  1. I retired five years ago and it was a big adjustment. My husband is disabled and hasn't been able to work in over 15 years. So he was used to being at home while I was at work. And I was used to being in the public waiting on people. The first few months were good and then we started to get on each other's nerves. Our solution now is to each have our own things to do during the day. Usually around 3:00 p.m. or so we end up together and spend the evening together -- dinner, devotions, conversation, TV and computer time. It works.

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  2. This post is just in time for me. My husband is one week away from retirement and I am both thrilled and terrified! I have not worked outside the home for 20+ years and my home is my domain. Also, I am someone who likes alone time pretty regularly. Fortunately, we have been planning and thinking ahead about how we would like our days to run (and, of course, we were nearly opposite), and we have some loose ideas. I'm glad we have talked about our needs and our wishes but I think we won't really know until he is actually home.every.day. I am sure we will have our "moments" but in all truthfulness, we are both very grateful and thankful to God for giving this to us. My husband has wanted to be retired and away from his demanding job for several years and now his time has come. I loved reading all the thoughts and ideas that you posted.

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  3. Well, Tommy isn't "officially" retired but he might as well be. He leaves the office to the hands of the 5 gals and BRandon. He's home a lot and if he didn't have his shop, I'm pretty sure I'd be insane. He stays out there a majority of the day in his recliner watching Fox News. I.cannot.stand.a.blaring.TV.all.day.long. I'd lose my mind. :o)) I'm gone a lot "doing my thing", so it works. At least for now it does. Great post!

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  4. I have to admit I don't like when Mark's in the kitchen. I just walk away. It was a hard adjustment for me when he retired. It took at least six months and then the days just seemed to work out. We kind of do our own things. Sometimes eat lunch together and usually dinner. We have always had our own DVR's and programs we watch so that hasn't been an issue. We have a few shows we watch together and we usually watch DVR's from Netflix on Friday and Saturday night.

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  5. Happy to meet you on a first time visit to your blog :) This is an excellent post addressing a question that I am a few years away from, but I have a lot of friends who have retired husbands, and they share the same concerns you addressed. I agree with your commonsense solution about working together to find solutions. Many blessings to you! And congratulations on 54 years of marriage, that is a huge milestone!

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