Retirement: Fun or Frenzy

We had some couples over for dinner a few nights ago, and the discussion among us women was how to live with our husbands 24/7 after retirement.  Therefore, this post is written from a woman's perspective and is not intended to offend the men folk who may read this.

Dick and I both retired together in May 2011.  I came from an administrative position that required a lot of deadlines, decisions, and dealing with people.  Dick was a full-time minister with a leader's heart for people and a need for service.

Thankfully, Dick also had a second career in real estate that he had been cultivating for a number of years and simply shifted offices and full-time job.  This fulfills his need to be with people and to serve.

That has given me the alone time that I must have to remain sane and is probably the secret to keeping us civil with each other.

What about you?

What adjustments have you had to make after you and/or your husband retired?

I've heard some say that having separate living quarters in the same house has been the solution.

Others choose to simply ignore each other for half the day, then reunite for dinner.

There are a few who confessed that they are so miserable, they find any excuse to be out of the home and away from their spouse.

Some are having to care for an ailing spouse and their time is no longer their own.  How do they keep from losing themselves while being an around the clock caregiver?

On the other hand there are those couples whose lives are completely wrapped up in each other and can't imagine not sharing every waking and sleeping hour in each other's company.

But!

What about when the husband decides that the way you have run the house isn't right anymore and wants to reorganize the kitchen, or thinks the floors need to be done in a different manner, or that you waste too much time on frivolous things.

Are you suddenly expected to have three meals on the table?

What about the husband who thinks you should be as interested as he is in all his history channel or automotive repair, or stock market shows, yet refuses to watch a Hallmark movie with you?

After being in the workforce for years, you crave quiet and are unable to tolerate the way your husband talks all the time?  Or wants to be with you all the time?  Or constantly calls and checks on you when you leave the house?  Or maybe he plays golf or fishes all day every day rather than spending time with you?

Getting along with someone else is always a challenge, but when two people who are suddenly forced to share a certain limited square footage together happily, it can get to be a REAL challenge.

How do we reconcile these day-in day-out differences?

In our case, Dick enjoys grocery shopping - I don't - so that's his major role.  He has definite ideas about what he likes to eat - it's not that important to me - so he often does the meal planning.

I do the laundry and he helps put up the clothes and make the bed.

We share the outside work because we both enjoy it.

We both look forward to our time together in the evening.

We have discovered that a lot of patience is required.  We have also discovered that we must still consider and appreciate the differences in our personalities and make concessions.  It also takes a lot of honesty and being open with each other about issues that arise and conflicts that inevitably occur.

Even after 54 years of marriage, we are still realizing subtle things about each other.  It takes humor, and forgiveness to keep on keeping on.

In the meantime, we are more in love with each other than we have ever been and grateful to be sharing this stage of our lives together.

What about you?  What are your particular challenges in living together in retirement and how are you handling them?