How to Bury a Child

"A parent is not supposed to bury a child."

I'm sure you have heard this many times as I have.  This statement is so very personal and true for those of you who have lost a child.  I have often wondered how a parent does bury a child.  How does a parent deal with one of the most painful of all losses?

Bob and Amy Hazelwood of Granger, IN have had to not only answer that question, but live their answer.  Their Angie was born in Hawaii in 1974 and celebrated her first Christmas there.

A few years later they moved back to their home in Northern Indiana where Angie grew up as a vivacious, out-going young lady.  Her parents were always very involved with all her activities, such as making this pinata for her class Christmas party.

Angie grew up and followed her mother into the dental field by becoming a Dentist.  I did not know Angie personally, but have heard so much about her and know from others that she was such a loving and giving person.  Let one of her friends share a memory with you:

She was in the midst of dental school and all of a sudden she just shows up on my door steps with these amazing stuffed shells. I asked her what she was doing at my house and that she didn't have to bring anything over and in true Angie fashion she answered "Isn't that what friends do when their friends have a baby -- they bring over dinner?" As if she had any time to be making me dinner and bringing over a baby gift and gifts for the boys.....but that was so Angie -- always making time to be a good friend.

How a person consistently treats their friends says so much about them.  This is another friend's memory: 

When my dad died last year, everyone was very nice, and generously took food to my grandma's house. But what meant so much to me when Angie showed up at my house with pizzas and drinks for our small little group. I just will never forget her friendship and how much that thoughtful act meant to me.

Doesn't she sound like a person you would love to have known? Better yet, she is a person I would like to emulate.

Because so many people knew and loved Angie, Bob and Amy were the recipients of a sharing love this Christmas.  Being next door to them, we woke to find their yard decorated and wondered what it all meant.  I'll let Amy tell you about it.

We already knew we were blessed with many amazing people....and no one will admit who did this, but we were surprised by a huge box of presents with an angel statue on our front porch this morning. Decorations were hung all over the front yard and porch. It had to be from those who knew Bob likes chocolate and movies, and knew Angie's special colors. Gifts of warmth & kindness and messages of Peace & Believe were on some very special items. How did you know that the special little lime green tree I have in Angie's memory would go so well with everything? I was not quite sure what Christmas Commandos were, so I looked it up on the web site: 

"The Commandos is an foundation that brings the spirit of Christmas to those who need it most, especially during the holiday season. On Christmas Eve, the commandos visit homes where there is great sadness due to a tragic death of a child or parent with children at home. The commandos leave gifts of love in hopes to bring joy to the remaining family members. Decorations of garland, ornaments, and candy canes are hung around the yard and an angel statue is left in memory of the lost love. Since 1999, the commandos have brought Christmas to over 350 homes and joy to over 1,500 family members."

All I can say is thank you for helping ease us through this challenging day.

 

So, how does a parent deal with the death of a child?  I have no idea what I would do.  I want to believe I would handle it in the Lord's strength with faith and courage.  I read recently of a mother who has told the story of her daughter through paintings.  Let me share with you how Amy is dealing with her loss.

She is sharing her thoughts and memories of her precious daughter and friend with those who also knew and loved Angie.  Because of Amy's sharing Angie, I have gotten to know her myself.  Because Amy loves to talk about her daughter and to hear what others remember of her, she not only is healing her own great grief, but is helping others who are also experiencing loss to heal.  Amy will still tear up and cry as she shares something especially meaningful to her, but those tears fall over a beautiful, tender, loving smile.

Let me share with you one of Amy's treasured memories: 

Last summer, (2010) I had a dental assignment in New York City and invited Angie to go with me since she had not been there. The week before, the ad agency called to say that things were being rescheduled for the following week.

 We could have cancelled the trip, but decided to go anyway. I had made my plans just did not want to miss the opportunity to hang with Angie in NYC.

Looking back, Angie's lymphoma was there, but we did not know it yet. The decision to go turned out to be so good...created some super memories.

As a result of this trip, Amy shares this timeless advice:  "Don't pass on opportunities with loved ones." 
 

Angie lost her fight against cancer in October of this year.  She is no longer here, but because of the impact this beautiful lady had on the lives of those with whom she came in contact, and her mother's sharing this life with others, her memory is.

I think this is how you bury a child.

Favorite Holiday Memories

These are just a few of my favorite Thanksgiving, Christmas & New Years memories caught in pictures.

Thanksgiving with the "Cutest Punkin' in the Patch"

Hubby with daughter and granddaughters

Getting to see our grandson play for the Indiana State 5-A Football Title at Lucus Oil Stadium

Granddaughter's DARE graduation

Attending a Christmas Tea Party given for granddaughters and their friends

Picking the perfect Christmas tree with the family

Watching granddaughter play Soccer

Christmas Eve with the fun Day Family

The sharing of gifts

Grandson's Christmas present

Son and Daughter-in-Love

Daughter and Hubby

Movie date with granddaughter and Elizabeth

The animated telling of the Nativity story by granddaughter

These are just a few of my favorite moments of the holidays spent with our family.  I would love to hear about some of your favorite memories.

Servant's Heart?

Last week while visiting with our daughter and her family for Thanksgiving, Christy and I were again discussing a book that she claims "has changed my life."  In the course of this conversation, she made a statement that has not left me.  She said, "There is no way a person can read this book and not be changed, if they have a servant's heart."  She does by the way.  But I immediately thought, "Do I?"

One way Christy and her family have sought to minister is through Respite Care where they keep foster children in order to give the foster parents a break.  This is such a ministry to these parents but has also blessed this busy family of six.

I have continued to think about that statement and my immediate response.  I would love to tell you that I answered my own question with an assertive and confident "Of course I do."  But, to be truthful, I have not.  As I've examined myself, I have acknowledged that I would much prefer to be served that to serve.  I do not make sacrifice easily and when I am called to step outside my comfort zone to do something for someone else, I often see it as a sacrifce and not a service done out of humility and love.

Is it just me or does the Lord keep reinforcing lessons He desires to teach?  This morning on the front page of the South Bend Tribune was an article about a couple who have written a book entitled Hello Gorgeous.  http://www.southbendtribune.com/news/sbt-hello-gorgeous-founders-write-first-book-20111129,0,3610036.story

Hello Gorgeous! is a book about women who battle cancer and a unique organization that serves them by restoring a sense of beauty and vitality in their life.

Hello Gorgeous! was founded in 2005 in South Bend, Indiana by Kim and Mike Becker. Moved by a desire to use their talents and energies on behalf of those facing the effects of cancer treatment, the Beckers sold their full-service hair salon and set out on a mission to provide free, surprise, all-day makeovers designed to help overcome the negative effects of radiation and chemotherapy. With the help of donations and volunteer help, the Beckers were able to buy and equip a Holiday Rambler RV and extend their program to communities in the surrounding areas. Now, they have fostered affiliates in several states.

I read with admiration how this couple, fueled by a desire to simply minister to women who were surviving the affects of cancer, have given themselves to creating beauty without and ended up giving these ladies a sense of beauty within as well.  What a servant's heart!

Before I left Christy's she gave me the book that changed her life, Kisses From Katie.

Not surprising to my daughter, I have not been able to put this book down.  I read in amazment about this wonderful young lady's life.  And on every page, I am reminded of what Christy said, "...if you have a servant's heart."  But, I also have to ask myself, "Do I really trust the Lord to take care of my every need as Katie does or as the Lord would have me to?"  Again, that answer is a resounding "No!"  But I desire to!

This story is about a young 18 year old girl who grew up in affluence in Tennessee and felt God's call on her life to go to Uganda, not as a missionary, or a nurse, or a teacher, although she ended up being all of those, but just to "LOVE."  And that she is doing!  Now at the ripe old age of 22, she has adopted 14 beautiful "chocolate-colored" girls (her description) and is the founder and director of a non-profit ministry called Amazima.  You can read her blog at http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/.

As I continue to think on my daughter's statement and what it means for me, I must continually pray, "Lord, give me a passion to serve you.  Change my selfish heart into a servant's heart."

Happy Thanksgiving

Well, early in the morning Hubby and I will attempt to fit ourselves into our overstuffed Avalon for the first leg of our long anticipated trip.  We have been sorting and packing and trying desperately to imagine the need for coats and sweaters for the north while parading around in shorts and sleeveless tops in this 80 degree Louisiana weather.  How does one pack for a month of ice and snow while the air conditioner continues to cycle?

The first stop will be in College Station, TX to visit some of our pre-marriage friends who have been out of touch until recently.  We are so looking forward to catching up on all the interim years.  Derry is retired from the A&M School of  Veterinary Medicine.  Tomorrow, we will be privileged to attend their Retirees Luncheon and hear an outstanding choral presentation.

Then we will join our daughter and her family in Carrollton, TX for Thanksgiving.  We love our tradition of sharing this special day with these precious people for whom we are so grateful.

Then, we head north to Lucus Oil Stadium in Indianapolis, Indiana to watch our only grandson play for the state 5-A title in High School football.  He is only a Junior and starting varsity, so this is a huge event for him and his family.  We are thrilled to be a part of this special day.

We will remain with our son and his family for the month of December while anticipating a White Christmas.

Happy Thanksgiving to each of you, and may your time spent with those special ones in your life be an overflowing blessing.  Dick and I are so very thankful for you in our lives.

Libby

What Makes You Beautiful - Holly Garth

Happy Monday Morning!

It is such a gorgeous day here in Northwest Louisiana.  We are expecting rain tomorrow for which we are so grateful.  Things are getting quite busy at the Day house with our anticipated trip next week to see long-time friends and then have Thanksgiving with our daughter and her family.  Then we will head north for an extended visit in Indiana.  So that means getting clothes ready to pack and the house in order.  Busy times, but eager anticipation!

Because this is such a busy season right now, I just haven't had the time to spend on my on-going topic; however, there are wonderful bloggers who have taken the time to write.  Many of these do address my title theme of Beauty Without Within and as long as they don't mind my borrowing, I am happy to share with you, my reader.

This was posted by Holly Garth and her blog can be found at:  http://www.holleygerth.com/home/

What Makes You Beautiful

As a little girl, I believed anyone related to you automatically thought you were beautiful. The kids at school might tease me but aunts and grandmas gushed, "Look at those cheeks! Look at that hair!"
 
Over time, I realized my little theory might not quite be true. I just happened to belong to an especially gracious (and very southern) family who chose to see the best in me.

But for the longest time I thought blood ties made you beautiful.

Pushing a vaccuum through the hall the other day, hair in a messy ponytail, I felt anything but lovely. I thought of my sweet relatives and wished someone were there to gush over me--even in my unsightly state.

Then I realized that Someone in my life did see me as beautiful right here, right now.

"Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."

I paused for a moment in my cleaning, leaned back against the wall and smiled.

Aha!

It turns out I'd been right all along...

Blood ties do make us beautiful. 

Perhaps not always the kind that flow through family trees but forever the kind that flowed down a tree made into a cross.

Yes, He takes all of our unloveliness and turns it into what only He can...
all beauty. 

--Holley

Best Beauty Tip - Ann Voskamp

I want to share with you today from Ann Voskamp's blog:  http://www.aholyexperience.com/

Best Beauty Tip

He knows I am not, and I know too, so we don’t talk about it, except when he pretends and I call his bluff.
I have my grandmother’s nose, my father’s cheekbones, the Chambers’ cowlick, a daughter following the paternal line, just like my father’s mother before me. So, no, I am not beautiful. So be it.

For flesh fades and flowers wither and I have settled it, except for the days, now and then, when I am paying attention and look in the mirror and sigh, the grey shining like a coronet at my temples, silver I’d rather forfeit.

Or when standing on the scale, digits tattle taling on that extra slice of warm bread, the cookies dunked in tea, the finishing off of leftovers on little one’s plate. I am caught and there really isn’t anything to say but feebly mumbled resolve and a promise to go tend the vineyard.

Or when looking down and seeing, then fingering, the stretchmarks from these six children who have swollen the walls of me, skin pulled taut and stretched… then released and let go, leaving wrinkles behind when they gave notice, cut the cord, and slipped out into spaces of their own.

Well, it could be that, perhaps, now and then, maybe I have less than settled it?

It’s no secret or surprise: running this river racing towards Home isn’t for the faint of heart, aging and graying and sagging and the youth once accepted in beauty’s stead now too ebbs away as the current rushes on.

So maybe that is why he says it, each morning a spoon cupping close in the dark slowly warming to day. His words tickle early, first.

“You’re beautiful.”

And I startle the slowly waking day with my laughter, so wrong and ridiculous it is.

“See?” he grins. “You are.”

“Every woman who smiles is beautiful.”
And, I wonder: Why don’t we then?
Genesis 33:10

“And what a relief to see your friendly smile. It is like seeing the face of God!”

Lord, if Your joy is in my heart, write it on my face. You, O Beautiful One.
Photo: Ann smiling…

“If you are saved, inform your face.” ~Unknown

IMAGE - Clothing Personality - The Classic

Last time I gave an overview of the four Clothing Personalities that I like to use in helping determine the most complimentary styles.  Today, I want to start with the CLASSIC - the Graceful Lady.

The CLASSIC is the epitome of style and grace and is the image most often associated with high-income brackets.  Thankfully, income is not a pre-requisite for dressing as a Classic.  So, let's see how this can be accomplished.

What does a Classic look like?

• Basically symmetrical with slightly angular bone structure and features
• Usually H Frame or 8 Frame
• Physically balanced.  Not too thin, too delicate, or too sturdy
• Average to attractive face
• Innately, controlled, refined, elegant, and calm with an added dash of powerful, majestic, charismatic
• May have limited characteristics of the Dramatic or Romantic as well

Who is the Classic?

• Woman of elegance and tradition, refined, sophisticated, and aristocratic.
• Emotional nature is balanced and controlled
• Moderator and trusted friend
• Strong sense of justice
• Strong intellectual vision and deep emotional sensitivity
• Loves organization and detail, and a controlled environment
• Strong sense of traditional values
• You love quality and excellence - good taste
• You may even have an aura of "breeding" 
• May appear to be a bit stuffy, arrogant and aloof

Hairstyle Examples for the Classic

 Clothing Examples for the Classic

Business Attire

 Casual Attire

Evening Attire

Remember, you are seen as the Sophisticated Lady!  So, the key to maintaining this appearance is to wear smooth and controlled shapes and outlines of everything you put on, head-to-toe.  A sleek hairstyle, bluntly cut and smoothly styled; symmetrical and even lines and silhouettes to your clothing; a perfectly blended makeup in soft neutral shades; and beautifully understated jewelry and accessories express your aristocratic elegance with grace and ease.

• Clothes should be tailored or ever-so-slightly flowing
• You will prefer solid colors, but prints include soft abstracts, houndstooth, and herringbone
• Textures should be refined such as silk, woolens, cottons, or knits
• Fabrics should be those that have richness and quality; matte finishes and low lusters
• Clothing should be very symmetrical - SYMMETRY is your cardinal rule!
• Nothing oversized, superfluous or outrageous

"My dear, gracious, aristocratic, pragmatic, Classic friend, you are like a flawless diamond, brilliant and sparkling in your absolute perfection."  Metamorphosis, David Kibbe 1987

Classic Celebrities

Coco Channel

Meryl Streep

Olivia de Haviland

Phylicia Rashad

Grace Kelly

Scarlett Johansson

 











Next time we will look at the Romantic.

IMAGE - PART 3 - Your Clothing Personality

So what is "clothing personality?"

This is your natural, inborn tendency toward particular types of clothes.  It is based on your genetics and generally determined by your body shape which we have already talked about.  It is interesting that most of us innately know the type clothes that make us feel great about ourselves and those that make us feel "not quite right."

If this is true, then why do we continue making mistakes and never feeling sure about our clothing selections?  One reason may be that we have been influenced over time to accept certain colors and clothing styles that just aren't right for us.

Example:  Your mother or adult female role model may have been a Romantic and thought everyone should wear ruffles and lace and lots of flowers.  Although you may have hated this as a child, you have grown to accept that this is what you are supposed to wear.

Back in the golden years of Hollywood we learned that one's beauty came from individuality.  Each of the famous ones from that era was known for her specific beauty, based on the combination of how her unique physical features were brought out and enhanced her unique personality.

Let me give you some examples of different celebrities who knew and dressed for their own particular clothing personality.

Elizabeth Taylor in the formal from the 1951 To Catch a Thief  that was the most sought after prom dress of the decade.  Now imagine the Sporty Natural Diane Keaton in this billowing bosom-fitting style. Can we say ridiculous?

Can you honestly see the Romantic Elizabeth Taylor in this tailored, rough textured outfit or the sloppy pants and tie that was so fitting for Diane Keaton as Annie Hall?  Never!  She was much too feminine and curvacious to hide behind this much clothing.

Now, imagine Audrey Hepburn as seen here in the dramatic dress from Breakfast At Tiffany's in Marilyn Monroe's white dress as seen below.  What would JFK have thought of that?  You certainly wouldn't see the curves and personality that Marilyn gave it.  In fact, it would have emphasized her boyish shape instead of enhancing it.

What about dressing Marilyn a' la Breakfast at Tiffany's instead of this stunner from The Seven Year Itch?  Laughable?  I think so.  I can't see the audiences drooling over the matronly and heavy set appearance she would have had in that dress.

Now try to picture the Classic Grace Kelly in any of the above outfits.  It just doesn't paint the same picture does it?

Hollywood knew what they were doing when they dressed these classic beauties according to their "specificness" or clothing personality.  It certainly launched careers and clothing trends, didn't it.

Are you beginning to get the idea of why dressing according to your own clothing personality is as important for your appearance as it was for these Hollywood beauties?

If there is anything I want to accomplish with my blog is to help you realize, if you haven't already, that God created you perfectly.  It's true! There's not one thing about your natural physical appearance that isn't absolutely perfect for the totally unique individual you are.  You are God's unique, special design and it just doesn't get any better than that!

Since you can't tamper with perfection, it is so important that you gain the confidence to express that special brand of perfection which is unique only to you.  You may not be a Hollywood star, but never forget that you are a star of the highest quality because you were created in the image and likeness of the Almighty God.

So, what are the different clothing personalities?

There are many different systems that are legitimate and I encourage you to search out some of these.  But because I need to keep things simple, I prefer to just use four types because they seem to cover all the bases and are easy to remember.  Most of us can easily relate to these and they also relate to the body shapes that we have already talked about.

• Classic - the simple but elegant like Grace Kelly
• Sporty Natural - the earthy clothing personality like Diane Keaton
• Dramatic - the entrance making style like Audrey Hepburn
• Romantic - the sexy clothing personality like Elizabeth Taylor and Marilyn Monroe

Next time we will break each of these down and look at them more closely.  In the meantime, do you dress according to your clothing personality or someone else's?  Good question!!!

The Foolish Woman

Last week I wrote about the Proverbs 31 woman and had several comments from you that you enjoyed reading it.  This week I am a bit under the weather and just haven't felt like composing, but I read the posting of a favorite blog to which I subscribe and thought it to be a perfect follow-up to what I wrote last week.  Please take the time to go to this link and read what this wise woman has written about the Foolish Woman.

http://proverbs14verse1.blogspot.com/2011/10/foolish-woman-her-feet-would-not-stay.html

May we always seek to be the Proverbs 31 woman and not the Proverbs 14 woman.

Proverbs 31 Woman?

Before I move on to the next Image topic, I want to share something else with you.

Recently I saw a blog entitled "Seeking to be a Proverbs 31 Woman."  My initial thought was "Bless her little heart."  Then I remembered those early Mother's Days when this Proverb always seemed to be the topic of the sermon.  I can't recall one single message, but I do remember how I struggled with a feeling of inadequacy, knowing I could never live up to this high standard.  Shucks, I was doing well if I just got the laundry done and folded and put up and maybe one meal on the table every day.  How could I ever possibly be as industrious, as productive, as godly, as perfect as Mrs. Proverbs?  With two toddlers it just wasn't happening!

Then I remembered a conversation I had with my precious daughter-in-love this past summer as we were planting flowers in front of her house and she mentioned this godly Proverbs lady.  I had an epiphany and suggested that perhaps our role model did not do all these things at the same time, but was able to accomplish them over her life time.  As I thought more on this, I realized that "Hey, I've done most of those same things in my life time."

Okay, I haven't bought a field or planted a vineyard, or dressed my family in scarlet.  But, I did keep my children clean and healthy and loved abundantly.  I made my daughter's clothes out of the best fabric I could afford until she finally informed me she was ready for something with a label in the neck.  At one period, I planted a garden and reaped what little harvest there was.  I made fresh bread for my adoring family on a weekly basis.  I played ball with my son, baby dolls with my daughter, and mowed the yard with my husband.  I taught Sunday School and sang in the choir.  Through the years the Lord put me into positions of authority and greater responsibilities outside the home so that I was able to help support our family.

But, do you think Mrs. Proverbs would pat me on the back and say, "Well done my child, you have lived up to my example and perhaps even excelled?"  I don't think so.  I think she would say, "Libby, did you do all these things 'in delight'?  Did you do them for the Glory of God?"

I'm afraid I would have to shamefully answer, "No" to those questions.  My striving for significance and meaning by performing the acts I thought were expected of me were not always done in delight or for God's Glory.

Donna Morley, in her book "A Woman of Significance" writes this as a statement from Mrs. Proverbs that I like:

"I suggest that they (the contemporary lady) live life at the bottom.  The bottom is the place of humility...It's a place that saints of the past have occupied, where great rewards are found.  Those who live at the bottom come to discover that it's really living life at the top.

"It is important that each woman realize that God has given her a specific personality, talents, and giftedness...a unique beauty...that can be used to fit into His plan and accomplish His will.  Real change...and real significance comes from the inside out."

The beautiful, significant, special lady seeks first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, then all these (other) things will be added to her.

I admire the young mother and wife who challenges herself to be the Proverbs woman before her family and community.  Oh that more women would have this desire.  As for me at this "Senior" time of my life, this should still be a desire of my heart; to strive to be the woman God would have me be, willing to live at the bottom in order that I might live life at the top.