Monday, March 3, 2014

I Am Finding the Beauty in His "Waiting!"

This is a new link for me.  Sometimes we just need an opportunity for sharing what God is doing in our life at the time and trust that He will use it to bless someone else.  I am grateful for Joan providing this opportunity for us to share with one another.  I hope you will read what other women have also shared by clicking on the link below.
Several months ago the bottom fell out for me.  I quite frankly don't recall feeling so hurt and rejected in just this way.  It is not a matter of placing blame on anyone or any one situation.  Whatever happened, for whatever reason, whether it be a culmination of many years and situations or just one, really isn't the issue.

The issue is my relationship with God today.

What does He want to do with me?

What does He desire to teach me?

What does He require of me?

Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” Philippians 1:6.

Christ didn't just start working in my life; He has been working to form me into His image since I accepted Him as my Savior at age 7.  I have taken Him on a wild goose chase for sure.  But, He has never turned me loose, but given me opportunity after opportunity to grow.  Has it all been fun?  Absolutely not!

You see, I want to be in control!  There, I said it!  When situations aren't quite as I think they should be, then its an indication its my turn to get it all straightened out.

I've done this with one particular relationship for years.  When she didn't reach out, then I did.  When she didn't invite, then I invited myself.  When she was distant, I pulled her closer.  When she wasn't loving, then I was.  When she didn't call, then I called.  All this was done because that relationship was of utmost importance to me. Pure and simple, I needed it and wanted it and assumed she did too; therefore, I did everything I knew to do to try to make it survive.

It didn't work!

So, how does one deal with complete rejection by someone you would lay your life down for?

Well, let me tell you what God told me to do.

WAIT!
 How crazy is that?  Wait?  Wait for what?  Somebody needs to be doing something here, God!

So, you know what He did?

He destroyed - yes, as in DEATH - my desire to control that particular relationship.

Now, I had to deal with two deaths!  Friends, that's not a fun place to be.
How does one then deal with the death of a relationship and the death of desiring to keep it at all costs at the same time?

For me it was a time of extreme pain and a sense of complete disorientation.

Breathing was a challenge much less putting one foot in front of the other.

But, there was another step I had to take.  I had to fill the void and find out what God was doing.
 
The only place to go was His Word!

Every where I looked, He was telling me to keep my eyes on Him.  He told me things that I have known most of my life but now, I saw them through new eyes.  His eyes!

Every day was to be dedicated to Him.
He wants to guide my every step.
He is in control of all my happenings.
He is Holy!
He wants my attention.
He wants my relinquishing.
He wants my praise and gratitude.

Has anything changed yet?

No, not in the relationship, but that's alright, because He is changing me.

Do I still miss this precious person?  You bet I do!
Is my heart still broken?  You bet it is!
One day last week for instance, I thought I would sufficate.  My body ached and emotions were all over the place.

But, you know what He showed me?
(Jesus Calling, February 27)
"Keep your eyes on Me!  Waves of adversity are washing over you right now and you feel tempted to give up" (or in my case, to take back the reins of control because where I currently was, brought too much pain).

"As your circumstances consume more and more of your attention, you are losing sight of Me.  Yet I am with you always, holding you by your right hand.  I am fully aware of your situation, and I will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able to bear."

Isn't that a beautiful promise of assurance?  To not let me give up or get ahead of Him!
As I've said, my biggest problem is trying to live beyond today.  To look ahead and try to figure it all out in advance.  God, just give me your schedule and I'll take it from here.
The lesson God is so patiently teaching me today is to let go.

To Wait!
Let Go and Let God!
To see Him in every step I take and if He isn't there, WAIT!

So, with David I will proclaim:
"Bless the Lord, O my soul;
And all that is within, bless His Holy name!
Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And forget not all His benefits (His dealings with me!)."

 Thank you Lord for your promise,
"that he who began a good work [in me] will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” Philippians 1:6.

I don't know what the next steps are.  He does!

I don't know whether the relationship with this precious person will be restored.  He does!

"Cause me to hear thy loving-kindness in the morning; for in Thee do I trust:  Cause me to know the way wherein I should walk; for I lift up my soul to Thee.  Teach me to do Thy will; for thou art my God."  Ps. 143:8, 10

I DON'T KNOW
 and
 THAT'S OK!
 HE DOES!

5 comments:

  1. Hi Elizabeth!
    It’s always frightening when God leans in and propels us to handle a situation that may seem unpleasant to us, and to step out of our comfort zone following His lead no matter what. But the bottom line is…when the Lord calls us to perform or carry out a difficult situation that seems unreasonable or uncomfortable to us, we really have only one option...trust and obey!

    Wonderful post! Visiting from The Beauty In His Grip~blessings!
    Denise
    http://refinemelord.com/

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  2. Well there is no doubt of course that this is a VERY difficult situation to deal with. But you are soo right of course. Trusting Him, keeping your focus there, is the ONLY way to get through it. Control for me has always been an issue to, so I feel I have had many similar lessons. I am always quite sure He must be busy with more pressing situations than mine so I will have to take over. Soo wrong of course. Our time tables are never His. I love that He loves us. Love that He WILL all things together for our ultimate good. Love that He understands our weaknesses and has patience and grace for when we wonder and lose our focus. Love that our hurts are His too and that He is well aware of them and is busy at work so that we don't have to be. Our role is easy really, just keep our eyes on Him. Enjoy your week!

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  3. Oh, Libby, my heart hurts for you! But, I can almost guarantee you that HE will use this situation for your good and HIS glory. I pray that you can find peace and comfort in God's "holding room" as you wait. It's a difficult place to be. I've been there myself but I look back and see how HE used it in my life.

    And, I think it is very normal as humans to want so deperately to know how it's all going to work out. I pray that the day will come that you will look back on this situation and thank Him for what he did through it.

    Praying for you this day! Love you!

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  4. It is amazing how God teaches us so much about Himself through all that we experience in life. May He continue to teach us & may we always have hearts that can be taught! So glad to have stopped here from Sharing His Beauty this morning. Blessings! Joanne

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  5. Some of the things you say and the way you hurt are the same feelings I have had since Neal's death and my marriage of 48 yrs. who am I and where can I find me? It's hard to breathe. The loss is never far away from your mind. What are my options? Through Jesus' love for me and good friends that prayed for me and keep inviting me to couples activities and grief counseling I think I have made some progress. But for a planning type person-I still want to know about next week next month and the rest of my life. So hard for me to lean in on Jesus. Just have to practice. I love you. Becky. This was very hard for me to write.

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